I really hate writing. I didn’t always, but for the past few years I’ve noticed through my writing how self-absorbed, narcissistic, and insecure I am. It really makes me hate myself. But really, I think everyone is this way, but I really hate noticing it. For example, it’s really difficult for me not to talk about myself. It just proves how personally I take everything – and I mean everything. It can’t be healthy.
I’m a terrible writer, but there was a time when I thought I was the best thing ever. I’m really grateful for high school: if there’s anything I learned from English it’s how pretentious I am. The reality is, I don’t know how to organize my thoughts and have it make sense to anyone but myself. Again, this is just a reflection of how self-serving I am. I tend to give up really quickly, or want to start over all the time. It has a lot to do with why I never update anymore.
Another part is because I know that no one is going to want to read the boring shit that never really happens. Everything I have to say whenever I feel like writing is usually self-loathing (no one wants to read that), trivial enough to post in 140 characters or less (so I do exactly that), or more effort to write about than it’s really worth (I give up half-way). Anyone who knows me knows how terribly lazy I am, and I have such a difficult time getting across what I want to say.
There’s really no sequence. It’s little more than a rant, and I want to do more than that, but rarely do.
That said, I’m not going to finish this post. I had more to say, but I never finish what I mean to say.
I really, really hate writing.
Please don’t respond. I always get over it.
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