We aren’t sure how this came to be, just that the other morning yells of frustration could be heard from the kitchen. Indeed, out by the garbage can was Christie, wielding a cereal box and batting it against the window. An estimated 30 flies met their end in those ten minutes of fight.

The battlegrounds in a quiet moment

We do have a theory. For a while we’ve suspected birds living in our dryer vent, as evidenced by the chirping and flapping noises, and the dryer not doing its damn job.

Now we think something died in there, and a fly laid its eggs on the dead body in our walls.

They always struggle at the end.

The final resting place of more than 100 flies.

This shit actually works, now.

Sure, I’m missing out, but that’s part of why I’m happier. I don’t have to see other people having fun without me, so my stupid lady feelings don’t get offended. (Yeah, being a girl still sucks, but nothing’s going to change that.)

Even if I do find out eventually, it hurts a lot less. Which doesn’t really make sense, but that’s okay. I’ve kept busy. I have a lot to do. Not sure if it’s helping me with my studies, but we’ll see. Now that I mention it, last spring I gave up Facebook for Lent and got a 4.0 – possibly relevant.

I miss Plano, my dog (as usual), viola, mommy and daddy (nevermind that I saw them just over a week ago, I still miss them), the pink LeSportsac pencil bag that I either lost or left at home, Nico (my dog), driving 200 miles alone (which I don’t get to do often because it seems like every time I want to go home, so does my brother…I think it’s a conspiracy devised by papa to minimize my driving. He’ll completely deny it, though. And hi mom, I know you’re reading this – no, I’m not bitter, just observing. In fact, I find it amusing), using my wireless keyboard (given up hope on ever finding the receiver), and my non-Austin friends.

N-N-N-NAP TIME! Then study-for-genetics time.

I think I’m getting too fond of my friends. Their opinion matters to me more than it used to, and I feel at a disadvantage because I’m not a better person. By better I mean smarter, more disciplined, more fun to be around. See? Getting a little too close. I mean to push them away a little bit, but as soon as I see an opportunity to have even a little bit of company, I ask, and then get disappointed. Granted, when I am around some people I’m still discontent or bored even.

I hate to think coming to Austin was a mistake. Or maybe studying biology is a mistake. I don’t want to start over, but something needs to change. I wonder if I need different friends, but I’m too shy to talk to new people for the sake of talking. and I like the friends I have, even if I really want to hate them most of the time.

Funnily, I had the very same sentiments last year in Arlington even though I had no friends. Only it’s kind of worse now because my grades are horrible in important classes rather than electives.

Wait. Does that mean friends = bad grades? But either way I’m sad. I just need to sleep less or concentrate better.

I don’t knowww mannn. I just want to know that everything will be okay, but this is the most unsure I’ve felt in a while.

Maybe living alone would have been a better idea.

Really no big deal; brother’s just taking it to San Antonio for the time being since he totaled his car. He needs it more than I do, and we’re siblings, so we help each other out. Real talk.

I’m really excited about going to Austin next year, especially now that I have the living situation worked out. It might be cramped: five people in one apartment, but we’ll manage. It will be much less costly than living on campus, and the half-mile walk will be good for me.

It snowed a lot on Thursday. A lot in North Texas standards; maybe you heard about it. It was the most snow I have ever seen at once. Unfortunately, I was ill-equipped for the snow, and I still had to go to class. I was a little miserable trudging through the snow in jeans, a sweatshirt, and a pair of Converse. My physics test was postponed so I went back to my dorm and saw a couple of smart people outside the dorm.

“You put the Wal-Mart bag over the shoe.”

Alas, it was too late for me.

Then the school closed down at 3:00pm. The damage was done. Friday’s classes were cancelled, too, but I don’t have classes Fridays, so no bigs. I spent the rest of Thursday watching Metalocalypse.

What a great show.

I think I slept straight through Friday – not even a little bit of studying (which would have been prudent) or eating.  I didn’t feel that my hunger was worth a walk through the snow.  I did, however, tend to my car a little bit by removing the five inches of snow that sat on the windshield.

My brother laughed at me when I was late picking him up from the train station on Saturday. We went home and had dinner as a family, they watched the Olympics while I worked, napped, and did laundry, and then yesterday morning my dad drove me back to school.

This was probably my most eventful weekend since school started. It was nice seeing everybody, but I hate to say that it didn’t feel particularly special.

My first tests of the semester this week, and first English essay – feeling a little uneasy about all of this. I have no doubt I’ll be fine, but this knowledge cannot help my insecurities.

I really don’t know how to end an entry. I hate writing.

I spent a lot of time with Jessie and Linnea, with whom there is never a dull moment.  Even after knowing the both of them for almost 15 years, I feel like we kind of grew closer after hanging out so much this past month.  That’s not to say we haven’t had lapses of communication, but it’s always so easy to just pick up right where we left off after months of time apart.

And then there was the chilling with some other people I’ve only considered friends for less than 1-5 years.

All in all, this was a very refreshing winter break, especially after a miserable semester in Arlington.  At least this way I can look forward this new semester with a renewed attitude.  Which is an interesting thing for me to say, since I don’t really believe in the whole “new year, new chances” stuff.

I’m really excited to do well.

Post of happy feelings.