I know today is going to be a good day. You know how I know?
This morning, as I was driving, I let a person merge in front of me. He then waved in thanks. A simple wave made me smile for the next hour.
I have one of these at home.
She lives at home. I love her. When I am able, I’m going to get one of these.
Train him to be awesome, and when he’s proper housebroken, get one of these.
And have the corgi help me train her to be awesome. Meanwhile, the husky will continue to be a spazz, and they will all be my favorite.
Better a crazy dog lady than a crazy cat lady. I miss Nico again. When I got a new iPod for Christmas, this was one of the first pictures I took.
But first I need to buckle the hell down this semester. Now let’s get started on this genetics text book.
It’s good to be home. Good thing I’m leaving before I hate it again. Not that I ever hate home – you know, you just get those moments where you want to claw your way out. Don’t want to feel that way, so that’s why I’m heading back in a little over a week. But really, I do love home.
I’ve been a little miserable the past couple months even though I’ve tried to keep a positive attitude. From the very beginning I was unsatisfied with my schedule, and the classes themselves I don’t enjoy. Academically I’m not doing well at all, and I’m getting increasingly anxious. it’s my fault, though, because I’ve been missing so much class. I don’t want to be lectured on it; I’m more disappointed in myself than anyone else. I think I’m capable of doing well but I’m getting frustrated and hopeless so I wonder.
I think I’m getting too fond of my friends. Their opinion matters to me more than it used to, and I feel at a disadvantage because I’m not a better person. By better I mean smarter, more disciplined, more fun to be around. See? Getting a little too close. I mean to push them away a little bit, but as soon as I see an opportunity to have even a little bit of company, I ask, and then get disappointed. Granted, when I am around some people I’m still discontent or bored even.
I hate to think coming to Austin was a mistake. Or maybe studying biology is a mistake. I don’t want to start over, but something needs to change. I wonder if I need different friends, but I’m too shy to talk to new people for the sake of talking. and I like the friends I have, even if I really want to hate them most of the time.
Funnily, I had the very same sentiments last year in Arlington even though I had no friends. Only it’s kind of worse now because my grades are horrible in important classes rather than electives.
Wait. Does that mean friends = bad grades? But either way I’m sad. I just need to sleep less or concentrate better.
I don’t knowww mannn. I just want to know that everything will be okay, but this is the most unsure I’ve felt in a while.
Maybe living alone would have been a better idea.
